I will start and close with: DON’T OVER-DO IT.

ManCessories, or accessories for men, are damn near an oxymoron in relation to the man’s mans way of life. However, because we have to appear to be more evolved, we: dress up, bathe, act courteously toward women, coordinate (match), and accessorize. Yes, that last word should make you say… “Whoa, guy… Easy. (insert your name here) doesn’t ‘accessorize.'” Well, hopefully you don’t ‘accessorize’ in any way that portrays the inherent femininity of that word. Unfortunately, many of us seem to think that just because we’re wearing manly little accouterments we are still pulling off a manly look. In a word: No.

In more words: You can end up looking “busy” or just plain weird. Is this Marc Anthony? Idk. No one cares anyway. But notice his DUAL man-bracelets and two or (ugh as i get close to my computer screen to peer into his hairy chest-ial abyss) THREE necklaces? Chock’ full of charms and dangly stuff? Dude, you’re not a pirate–adorning yourself in the many treasures you’ve found from your roaming the seven seas. Your stylist said you’d look good borrowing some artsier (Johnny Depp’s) people’s style and dumped her caboodle on you.

In the REAL world, where people work (not just make shitty albums that you don’t write and use Pro-Tools pitch finder to fix your horrible voice) and have to interact with other normal people, you CAN’T walk around in a tuxedo inspired tunic buttoned down to your naval. No, sir. Dare he pair all this clangy garb with a watch, sunglasses, cigarette in mouth, and a FUCKING bluetooth or ipod.. I might kick him in the back after walking past this disgusting fool.

Fellas. Let’s set some ground rules.

  1. Bracelets on men are NOT to have charms. They should also be symbolic or a gift… otherwise it raises the question “Why the fuck do I have this?” Seriously. If you ever find yourself leaving the house simply to buy jewelry for yourself, as a man, you should rethink your goals.
  2. Man bracelets and formal wear are to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. It’s a touchy subject. A slippery slope.
  3. No more than one necklace unless you are wearing medals (idk?) or rapping… then, by all means, Mr.-T-it. (I’m not a regulator in that realm by any means)
  4. No necklaces OVER dress shirts. (I always wondered wtf men were thinking when they wear their silver herringbone on top of their shirt and tie… how can you justify that?)
  5. 2 mancessories max.. (not including rings)
  6. NEVER wear more than 1 ring on one hand… Silliness.
  7. No rubber bands, Livestrong bands, etc. with formal attire (Why do I even have to say this?)
  8. No Stacking. (ie. dual/triple livestrongs, or a livestrong on a bracelet, bracelet piggybacking on a watch) No.

No dual rings. (Well, actually, this whole picture is one big orgy of No’s… but I think it speaks for itself)


4 Responses to “ManCessories.”
  1. mike says says:

    what about a watch on top of a wristband, a la big brother yuggernaught?

  2. manshion says:

    See Stacking.

    (read: See NEVER AGAIN.)

  3. Virgle says:

    Does my concealed handgun count as a mancessory? I also carry 4 additional mags; is that too many?

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  1. […] ManCessories “No necklaces OVER dress shirts. (I always wondered wtf men were thinking when they wear […]

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