shoe care

Did you awake to find yourself on a toilet, pants around your ankles, with vomit on the wall, your shoes/legs, and bathmat yesterday morning? No? Well, lucky you. Assuming you did not find yourself in this horrible state of time travel (awakening in what essentially appears to be hell after what you recall as a triumphant evening suddenly led you to black out at the peak of your glory), here is some advice on shoe care that can be a preventative measure, as opposed to an after-the-fact cleanup job.

If you have some nice leather-soled lace-ups, or slip-ons… it’s recommended that you perform some maintanence on them after periods of regular wear.  How long you ask? Well, some will say after every 10 wears… some will say less.  Those who say less, well, lucky you.  Honestly, even with my finest shoes, I bring them in for upkeep every two months, no sooner.

However, sometimes, you need to take matters into your own hands (because you thought it would be a cool idea to wear fine black oxfords with jeans that night.. and after getting them stepped on in the club and dancing like an asshole while spilling drinks on them, you topped it all off with puking on your nice shoes as a final sendoff) because you either need a quick clean-up, can’t afford to take them in, or (me) are embarrassed of their current “condition”.

1.) Tooth Brush and a Rag

Brush the excess bile dirt off the shoes before you get down to business, between the toothbrush (or a shoe- cleaning brush if you have one for that specific purpose) and the rag (dampen it a bit if need be), you should be able to get them pretty clean.

2.) Cream/Polish

Apply a leather conditioning cream and then polish. Or, perhaps, try a product like this.. that includes both and claims to treat the leather (prevent it from cracking/breaking down from water damage) while providing the polish and shiny appearance.  Apply both or the one hybrid product with your trusty (and disposable/never meant to be clean again) rag.  Leave shoes to dry according to product’s directions.

Tips On Leather Lace-ups

  1. Sometimes your shoes will get old and look a little too worn to wear with a suit, depsite a fresh shine… it’s okay. Stop shining them and start wearing them with jeans. Then, when you ruin them with nightly activities, you needn’t feel bad.  I’d still advise using a leather cream, though, as this will prevent them from cracking. Also, take them into a shop (in case you haven’t already) and have replacement rubber soles attached.  This will make them better suited to their new role in dressing up the casual/dressing down the business attire niche.
  2. That was pretty much it. Take care of your shoes, busted looking shoes will deflate your suit (and therefore your) value. Mostly kidding on that last part.
  3. Not a tip. But food for (seconds of) thought: What if I were wearing Crocs?  Albeit not being allowed into the fine establishments visited that evening and being ridiculed door to door, I would not have had such a bad cleanup. Thus, I can’t be that hard on Crocs any more, as after they provoke vomitting at one’s feet, they make for a quick and easy cleanup. Imagery to complete this “tip” here.

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