Long Overdue: Genie Shoes = Never.

This has been a long time coming. Please, put the young ones to bed. I’m about to release a wrath comparable only to that of Satan himself, and the IRS (audit season). Yes, genie-toed loafers/lace-ups… your time has come (to die). 

The enemy:

Oooooooh, "Clevis" style? Like, as in, horrible.. right? Horrible style?


Why are these awful? (thought you’d never ask)

  1. Uncomfortable
  2. Cheap looking
  3. Mock-Cowboy bootish = the only thing worse than actual cowboy boots
  4. Use of the word “Clevis”
  5. Sheet metal toe ornamentation
You’ve seen these before, I’m sure:

Why these suck:
  1. Traffic directing patterns down the tongue (that sure ain’t wingtip styling)
  2. Square toe
  3. Toe is  curled 1 inch off the ground, permanently (like running shoes?)
You own these, do you?
  1. Take them out of rotation as soon as possible.
  2. Never wear them with a suit, and apologize to all those subject to seeing you do your best “NFL-player-night-on-the-town” impression have you already done this
  3. Burn them, they’re not “coming back,” they were a bad shtick to begin with
  4. Opt for brogues, desert boots, pimsols, SOMETHING other than these bastard genie children
  5. Give them to your “favourite” Eurotrash friend. Tell him they go well with cigarettes, stubble, and long greasy hair.
Say ‘No’ to genies.
One Response to “Long Overdue: Genie Shoes = Never.”
  1. Tucker says:

    I thank you for a clarion call to action! They look like something one would wear if he was parodying Rudolph Valentino. I am constantly amazed by the lack of style in today’s civilization. Luckily, we have you to shout over the fiddling that yes, indeed, Rome is burning!


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