10 minute shoe shine

Tonight marks the start of a relaxing new Sunday night ritual: the shoe shine. In less than 10 minutes, you too can have shiny-toed roach killers and all the mystical powers that come along with them. I ventured into my local dollar store to pick up the supplies. I spent less than $6 all together for brown polish, shoe polishing paint (only for the soles–don’t use this junk on your leathers unless you’re really in a jam), and a brush. I suggest you do the same, as I’ve seen Kiwi brand shoe polish selling for $5-10 a can elsewhere. The rag pictured is just the sleeve of an old t-shirt.

shoe shine supplies

supplies.

  1. Brush off the shoes and wipe them clean with a slightly dampened cloth.
  2. Starting from the top of the shoe, apply the polish downwards towards the sole in a circular motion.
  3. Coat the shoes once over in this fashion, perhaps showing a little extra love (in the form of polish) to the rolls and creases and, of course, the toe.
  4. Listen to a song and enjoy a cocktail.
  5. Ponder the meaning of life.
  6. Search for an old girlfriend on Facebook in hopes that she has a public profile.
  7. Befriend a vagrant.
  8. After 3-5 minutes have passed and the coat of polish has dried, take a clean portion of your rag and buff like you’re trying to start a fire.
  9. Shine to your heart’s content.
  10. Touch up the sole edges with the paint polish. Immediately wipe any paint polish from the uppers if you miss.
  11. Admire.
  12. Brag to a loved one.
  13. Add shoe porn attachments to your sext messages.
unpolished vs. polished

unpolished vs. polished

It’s sad amazing how pumped I am to wear these bad boys to work tomorrow.

Shine on.

Shine…. On.

shoe shine complete.

shoe shine complete.

::wipes tear::

Shine on, babies.

Shine for America.

Advertisements
Comments
9 Responses to “10 minute shoe shine”
  1. topher says:

    you forgot to add the spit shine portion. always gives an extra spiff

    • manshion says:

      You are correct! I couldn’t find that video of the Irish guy demonstrating how to properly “bull” your shoes. I’ll update/add to this next week when I shine my black shoes. Definitely will be bulling them like there’s no tomorrow.

  2. I’ve found that name-brand polishes typically contain higher quality waxes and other ingredients.

    I’d recommend dropping the extra few bucks it costs over dollar store polish.

    • manshion says:

      I believe you’re right. The shop I take my shoes to for heal/sole repairs seems to use 2 different kinds for brown and for blacks. The Kiwi brand he uses on browns and a brand I’m not familiar with he uses on blacks. Additionally, he’s apply a leather cleaner/conditioner first. I believe it’s called saddle soap.

      This makes sense, though, as I’ve heard many times that brown leather is more durable than black. Just think–you never see those 20-40 year old vintage shoes in black. 95% of the time they’re brown or burgundy. Hence, the reason my shoe guy uses a less expensive (I’m guessing) brand of polish on brown leathers.

      Please note that none of this is founded in fact. So, internet trolls (not you, thebaltimorechop) feel free to jump down my throat.

      **please be sure to be non-constructive and degrading in your responses**

    • manshion says:

      Oh, and I will try a higher end polish next week on my black shoes and compare the process/results.

  3. Glad I could be your loved on last night.

    Two hands and a whole lotta spit. Nothing beats it. Buff a man down and polish him off in 15 seconds flat. Greatdayindamornin.

    • manshion says:

      On the way to work, admiring my mirror-tipped lace-ups, I thought we should go half on the flip cam for the sole purpose of making a video where we elaborate on the legend of the recently captured ‘Shoe-Shine Man.’

Trackbacks
Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] left my newly polished oxfords in a state of shit unfortunate disarray. I say this to say that my 10-minute shoe shine can be reduced to 4 frantic before-work minutes as demonstrated by the editor this morning.. in a […]



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • the editor is sporting…

    Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

  • Categories

  • free stats
%d bloggers like this: